Beyond the Burned Bridges

This week’s guest post is by author Patsi Trollinger.

Financial planning and freelance rates are hot topics among folks eager to say good-bye to the day job. But don’t overlook the Tolstoy factor. “Writers move forward,” he’s credited with saying, “by the light of bridges burning behind them.”

Ten years ago, my decision to leave a job as news director and campus spokesperson for a liberal arts college involved some bridge-burning. Within minutes after my resignation became public, people lined up to apply for the position. The job would not be waiting if I changed my mind. It was okay, I told myself. Jointly, my husband and I had ascertained that we would not starve or become homeless without my income. Individually, I could see dimly illumined professional future: part-time work in copywriting and hours devoted to writing children’s books. The copywriting position later evaporated, but by then I had freelance work and a book contract with a major publisher. Everything seemed headed in the right direction. I had made the right decision. But when my closest circle of family and friends entered a period of unprecedented challenges, I revisited my decision every day. Eventually, I lost all sense of the heat, light, and dramatic finality implied by Tolstoy.

Here’s the deal about being self-employed. There is no guarantee of “paid personal leave.” There is no boss lurking in the background delineating a work schedule. For me, this led to agonizing choices. Should I devote two hours to an urgent query letter or transport a very close friend to the oncologist who was trying (vainly) to save her life? Spend a week at my desk doing revisions or drive to Tennessee to sit by my father (and, later, my mother) in a hospice unit? Concentrate on three days of research for a picture-book biography or accompany my twin daughters for college admissions tours?

Such decisions are never easy, but for those of us who are self-employed, the calculus becomes more problematic. Every time we give up an hour or a day of work, we give up earning potential. When we return to our desks to do work that requires fierce concentration, it’s hard to stop thinking about the life-altering—or life-ending—choices facing people we love.

There is a great deal I can’t say with certainty about self-employment. In particular, I don’t possess the secret formula for securing a six-figure book deal. However, I can say that, in making one big decision—to leave a guaranteed income and a clearly defined structure—you enter a new environment that operates by a different set of rules. Be prepared to make new decisions every day

Patsi B. Trollinger is the author of Perfect Timing (Viking, 2006; Benjamin Press, 2011),  a Junior Library Guild selection. She also has written magazine articles, play scripts, and essays. She currently is focused on writing for children, but also does freelance writing, editing, and layout. During an earlier career devoted to news and public relations, she wrote about everything from tea parties to football. She earned her first publishing credits in high school while serving as a teen correspondent for the Kingsport (TN) Times-News.