Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Beyond the Burned Bridges

This week’s guest post is by author Patsi Trollinger.

Financial planning and freelance rates are hot topics among folks eager to say good-bye to the day job. But don’t overlook the Tolstoy factor. “Writers move forward,” he’s credited with saying, “by the light of bridges burning behind them.”

Ten years ago, my decision to leave a job as news director and campus spokesperson for a liberal arts college involved some bridge-burning. Within minutes after my resignation became public, people lined up to apply for the position. The job would not be waiting if I changed my mind. It was okay, I told myself. Jointly, my husband and I had ascertained that we would not starve or become homeless without my income. Individually, I could see dimly illumined professional future: part-time work in copywriting and hours devoted to writing children’s books. The copywriting position later evaporated, but by then I had freelance work and a book contract with a major publisher. Everything seemed headed in the right direction. I had made the right decision. But when my closest circle of family and friends entered a period of unprecedented challenges, I revisited my decision every day. Eventually, I lost all sense of the heat, light, and dramatic finality implied by Tolstoy.

Here’s the deal about being self-employed. There is no guarantee of “paid personal leave.” There is no boss lurking in the background delineating a work schedule. For me, this led to agonizing choices. Should I devote two hours to an urgent query letter or transport a very close friend to the oncologist who was trying (vainly) to save her life? Spend a week at my desk doing revisions or drive to Tennessee to sit by my father (and, later, my mother) in a hospice unit? Concentrate on three days of research for a picture-book biography or accompany my twin daughters for college admissions tours?

Such decisions are never easy, but for those of us who are self-employed, the calculus becomes more problematic. Every time we give up an hour or a day of work, we give up earning potential. When we return to our desks to do work that requires fierce concentration, it’s hard to stop thinking about the life-alteringor life-endingchoices facing people we love.

There is a great deal I can’t say with certainty about self-employment. In particular, I don’t possess the secret formula for securing a six-figure book deal. However, I can say that, in making one big decisionto leave a guaranteed income and a clearly defined structureyou enter a new environment that operates by a different set of rules. Be prepared to make new decisions every day

Patsi B. Trollinger is the author of Perfect Timing (Viking, 2006; Benjamin Press, 2011),  a Junior Library Guild selection. She also has written magazine articles, play scripts, and essays. She currently is focused on writing for children, but also does freelance writing, editing, and layout. During an earlier career devoted to news and public relations, she wrote about everything from tea parties to football. She earned her first publishing credits in high school while serving as a teen correspondent for the Kingsport (TN) Times-News.

9 comments:

  1. Great post! Thanks for sharing. I have been freelancing illustration for for 26 years now and it still is not easy. Sure, I have had years that have been easier than others, but there is constant change, in what people will buy, what they will pay, and how you can meet your needs (health insurance, etc.) But one needs to focus on the reward, which wouldn't have been there otherwise...

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  2. Thank you, Patsi, for an interesting, insightful post, and Tracy, for hosting it. It reminded me of January '06 when I had a tight book deadline for the end of the month, and unexpectedly my parents (both with Alzheimer's) needed to come live with me.

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  3. Great post, Patsi. Although my "bridge" was burned for me when we moved to Bangkok, you speak the truth. There is also the feeling by others that since I work at home, I can drop everything any old time to do what THEY need (or just want) done. (Caller ID is worth the money!) On the other hand, there is the guilt of NOT being there for someone when you are needed. On the other hand (which now makes three) I don't want to be at the end of my life wondering "what if...?" We all do what we can. I always liked the Doctorow quote about writing being like driving at night;you can only see what is right in front of your headlights, but you can make a whole journey that way, Life is like that, too, I think. You give us all a lot to contemplate, Patsi.

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  4. Great post. Living with uncertainty is one of the hardest (no, sorry--THE hardest) thing about freelancing and being on your own...

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  5. Patsi, Yes, Many thanks for sharing this. Your ruminations about finding balance between life and art, voice questions that I ask myself every day. Although not with as clearly as you have articulated in this post! Thank you for putting it into words for me.

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  6. Well-said, Patsi! Every single day there is the "but I may not get to do this with them again" theme running through the old brain (regardless of who the "them" in question is). I still cave in to it, no matter what--I admire all of you who are able to juggle far more successfully than I! Thanks for sharing--you really nailed it.

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  7. This post - and the other comments - say exactly how I feel as a freelancer. I quit the day job 13 years ago with a contract to illustrate a book series on my desk and some freelance lined up. One week before my last day the publisher canceled the book series. I was young and single and went ahead and quit anyway. As the bridge burned I clawed out a niche in the market for my artwork. I learned how to thrive on budgeting and peanut butter. Time marched on and bigger and better projects came with it. The juggling definitely got more acrobatic when family arrived. A decade later that bridge has been rebuilt behind me. But i haven't reached my goal of my own trade picturebook so I will not turn back.

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  8. To Patsi, Tracy, and everyone who has commented so far- thank you for this post. No matter what our job situation, we all have to make choices about what experiences that we let into our life, day by day. Choosing to help as someone is dying is compassion itself, but that doesn't mean it is an easy choice. You say it so well, Patsi. And I wasn't familiar with that Tolstoy quote, but now I love it. It's a different concept than "the road not taken" because it refers to a life you've already experienced and now you choose to burn the bridge and move forward by the light of that fire. So deep. Love it. Thanks!

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